So, over the last few days, I’ve gone through so many emotions and so many things have gone through my mind and because it still seems so unreal to me, I still feel like I could pick up the phone tomorrow and call you and you would answer, I hear your voice in my head, I hear your laugh.
I deal better when I can let things out but I worry about how people will feel when I start to talk to them about this, I worry they won’t understand because they didn’t know you, I worry they are grieving too and I would just be burdening them even more and anyways, I have never been very good at talking about my troubles.
So, I’ve decided to do my own special form of therapy; Write.
So that it won’t take me years to finally accept and grieve like it happened with my mom.
hmmmm… where to start…
Modurodoluwa Ige, how I’ve always loved your name, I’ve always considered calling my daughter that, now I know for sure that I will.
See, it would be easy to make this about myself; how I’ll miss you, how I’m sorry I didn’t stay more in touch, how I really wish I had called you all those times I thought about it.
But this isn’t about me, it’s a tribute to you, to the amazing life you lived and how I’m so thankful to God that you are finally free from pain, absolutely.
You were a friend in the full meaning of the word
To everyone who needed you, you gave
You lived such a good life; you loved so much, gave so much, touched so many lives,
left your heart out for anyone who needed you
You could be stubborn, sometimes in a good way, sometimes it was just exasperating
We laughed, we argued
We were happy, we were sad
We danced, oh how we danced; anywhere and everywhere
We went to church
We climbed on cars to takes pictures, we stood in the middle of the road to take pictures; we took so many pictures
I look at those pictures now and smile, I do not cry, you wouldn’t want that
We had fun, we got real
We made a pact, remember the bracelets?
I promise to uphold that still
You were old and wise beyond your years and you touched my life deeply
So many pictures of you running through my mind, all of them happy… of you laughing, dancing, teasing
You were such a happy person
I really should have told you these things more, I’m sorry I didn’t
I promise to never put off calling a friend
I will do it when I should and tell them I miss them and love them, like I should have told you when I could
I will let go of the regrets and pains though, in honor of the happy person you were…
Mo’Dee, I choose to remember you happy.