Loosing Faith

I took a trip this weekend, sort of like a vacation with the semester
I was at a point where I might as well have been operating on automatic, everything felt like a chore, I felt like I was constantly in slow motion; that doesn’t work well with 5 masters classes and a job
I felt like I was drowning, I felt like I was suffocating, the only light I saw seemed to simply scream ‘Give Up’, shining brightly like the neon lights showing the way to an exit
so I took my vacation from work, missed my Thursday evening and Friday classes and took a long weekend.
I went out of the Country. I didn’t go very far.
I came back feeling worse than when I left
I seemed to have lost faith in everything
I just couldn’t see the point… of anything
I was soooo tired. I was just tired.
And I couldn’t even say why.

My best friend.
He’s Awesome!
I finally spoke to him, finally found some time in my “busy life”
I typed and I cried, I talked and I cried… I let it all out
The serious issues, the silly things
The things I could explain, the ones that didn’t even make sense at all
And he listened, sometimes, he didn’t even try to make sense of it, he just listened
And then I suddenly saw some new light and it didn’t say ‘give up’
I finally took a breath
I finally felt the load lift away
I used to say I didn’t believe in the “concept” of best friends
But I am so glad I have one.

Jesus Christ.
He’s Amazing!
I finally found my way back to Him
I’ve been “so busy”, saying a very short prayer seemed all I was capable of
But in the last few days,
I’m finding myself again
I’m re-discovering who Jesus Christ is to me
It’s Christmas-time after all, what better time than now?
This special relationship was meant to be
He loves me and it’s on me that I forget that sometimes

It’s the 20th day in December; 2 days to my birthday, 5 days to Christmas
And I am excited about everything

I simply needed to remember “talk, talk, talk, it always helps”

My best friend; I love you N. Thank you for always being there when I fall back. Thank you for being you.
Jesus Christ; The one who loves me even when I’m unworthy. I’m overwhelmed by your love and patience towards me.

Adeola Matemilola


3 thoughts on “Loosing Faith

  1. Kneeyie says:

    How did i miss this??? 😦 😦 😦
    Thank God for N, thank God for God, thank God for You! All of it makes sense because you are great and beautiful in and out. Always remember that, even when you seem overwhelmed.

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