Talking to vs. Talking at

I’m not entirely sure that the title properly illustrates what this post is about but please read on and let’s explore this.

All opinions is this post are entirely mine; if you disagree about any part of it, please, feel free to leave a comment and let’s discuss it.

Effective communication goes way beyond just being able to pronounce words or string them together. The basic secret to communicating properly in a way that leaves all parties feeling good about themselves and the topic of discussion, lies in being able to string together words correctly.

A quick example, a few days ago, I went out to a store with my sister, we needed to buy a birthday present for a friend’s baby, and obviously, we needed it wrapped. So, we get to the check out counter and my sister said to the cashier, “hm, and you’ll wrap it”, I immediately said “why did you say it like that”, so she modified it “please, wrap it”, while this sounds, well, acceptable, I still believe that the request could have been made in better way, in way that the cashier would feel like a respected human who happens to work here, rather than some robot that’s simply there to cater to your needs.

I really do believe that if the request had been made as “also, could you wrap these up for me?” Or “please, I’d like to have these wrapped”, it would make the cashier feel better and therefore make them more willing to help. Besides, we never know what sort of day people are having sometimes and just showing the smallest consideration or kindness in the way we speak might just be the thing to turn their day a little around.

Instead of saying “wait”, say “1 minute, please”.

Instead of saying “what?”, say “excuse me?”

The list goes on and on, but the main point is to try to make someone’s day a little better by stringing words together with some consideration and kindness.

 

©Adeola Matemilola 2016

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BTI 001

Alone. Lonely.
They say there’s a difference
But each can be like an abyss that slowly swallows a person,
Like a feeling of hopelessness that settles like a weight upon your shoulders.

What does it feel like to have no one?
To have trusted wrongly for so long that trust seems unreachable.
How does one get past having “people” and yet having no one?
How does the heart handle giving and never recieving?

Pain. Abyss. Hopelessness.

Maybe the path to freedom is that paved with acceptance.

… It’s only life.

 

©Adeola Matemilola 2016

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Writing for people like me.

Many times, you’ll find that people will try to shut you up, don’t let them, speak your truth.

Just because it makes someone uncomfortable doesn’t mean I will shut up about it.

Infact, if feeling uncomfortable causes you to not want to see, speak, hear or at all acknowledge a problem, you are a huge part of the problem.

You took my voice from me, I let that happen. No more.

©Adeola Matemilola 2016

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Writing for myself…

A very good friend saved me today with these words; “so, write for yourself and people like you.”

Yes, I did mean SAVE.
I haven’t written anything in such a long time and I have been completely miserable, it felt like I was falling down a deep hole and I just didn’t care anymore, I didn’t care if I reached the bottom, I didn’t care if I simply kept falling and pushed how this made me feel into the very back of my mind and my heart, I refused to feel anything.
I couldn’t write, I was dying and I didn’t care.

This all happened because I let someone’s words have power over me.
It wasn’t a critic of my style of writing or word combination or grammer; it was an attack of my core, my personality, my psychology, my humanity, he (this pastor) told me in no uncertain terms that I write what I write on social issues because I have lived an unbalanced life and because I come from a disassembled community. He told me that what I write is my reality alone and it would be impossible for anyone else to relate, he told me that there wasn’t any need to share my work because it spoke only to and about me.
He had only ever heard one piece from me “mommy, I feel it too” but he put me and everything I’d ever written in one box.

I haven’t written since that day and I never even realised why until a couple of weeks ago when I mentioned the incident to my sister.
So obviously, there’s only one course of action now, I am taking my voice back.

I choose to “write for myself and people like me”

P.S
I apologise to everyone who follows me still even though I have basically been a waste of space (on your wordpress)
I also sincerely apologise for allowing one man’s opinions over-ride all of the wonderful feedback I get from all you lovely people.

I thank everyone who continues to support and especially read and critic. I am grateful, because in the end, you guys are my push.

My voice is my own. I will always speak my truth.

©Adeola Matemilola 2016

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Let’s run away

Let’s do it… right now,
Let’s not think about it,
Eyes opened or closed; it doesn’t matter,
Just imagine…
Let’s let the wind sweep us off our feet,
Let it take us where it may,
Let’s abandon the fear of the known and the unknown,
Replaced with a nervous excitement of come-what-mays,
The fights, the laughs, the moments that take our breath away.
But how long would this last? Who cares?
Let’s do it, let’s take nothing along, let’s run away.

 

©Adeola Matemilola 2016

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To whom it may concern

There are days when I get so sad, that nothing makes even the slightest bit of sense; those types of days used to be far between, they are more common these days,

I get so sad that I just seem to be floating, ‘existing’, waiting…

I  may see you and laugh or even have a normal-sounding conversation but on the inside, I’m screaming and crying and waiting…

On these days, it feels like I don’t actually exist, like I’m not really here and even though, you talk to me and encourage me, it doesn’t make much sense,

I love you for trying, but my mind won’t let anything in on those days.

I’m sorry.


©Adeola Matemilola 2015

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True Love is…

I am not in search of “the one”,
I am in search of one;
One who gets me,
One who is willing to work,
One who is willing to build,
I don’t want a man that is interested in building Hollywood’s idea of true love,
I want a man who is willing to work on being the best of us for us,

I don’t promise to never be wrong or bad,
I promise to always apologise.
I don’t promise to never make mistakes,
I promise to always work on making it right… always.
I don’t promise to never have a crush or like some guy,
I promise to always like you the best.


©Adeola Matemilola 2015

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SHE

She doesn’t look special; She is just a girl,

She doesn’t ask for much,

She is satisfied with what is; She stands just tall enough to show it,

She knows her worth; She doesn’t look to a man to make her feel complete,

She believes in herself; She knows that even when she fails, at least, she tried,

She doesn’t wear a crown, she doesn’t need to; She shines through from within

She is A Queen.


©Adeola Matemilola 2015

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adeola Matemilola and aeyshadeedee.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Nigeria Unite? (Who else is tired of the ethnic “drama”?)

This is a post I originally put up on 15/03/2014 but it still rings true today. As we begin a brand new chapter in the story of Nigeria with a brand new president, why don’t we take the opportunity to begin a brand new chapter in what it means to be Nigerian.

I once heard a preacher say that in a marriage, you should never wonder if your partner is cheating because it is none of your business, instead of spending time worrying about what they might be doing, you should spend your time on being the best partner you can be, do your part and do it well. Because the fact is that, if you keep wondering about it, whether or not they’re doing it, you’ll start to react sort of negatively towards them eventually.

I think this can be applied to Nigerians, a friend once told me that Nigeria was not meant to be one country and it is simply an invention, but whatever the case, we are one now and it is up to us to make it work. This can only happen when we stop suspecting the next person of something just because they’re of a different tribe, when we stop assuming that just because we don’t speak the same language, they won’t be nice to us. Many of us have never actually experienced these things, we just work off of the stories and insinuations we’ve heard over and over. Let’s simply work on being the best version of us we can be.
Just like in all human interaction, be kind. Always.


In a class a few days ago, the teacher asks, “of the 3 major ethnic groups in Nigeria, which one has the highest percentage in Abuja?”… an argument starts among the Nigerians in class, the arguments ranged from, “Abuja does not belong to anybody” to “it depends on which part of Abuja you go to”
In another class, the teacher asks us to each select an on-going violent conflict to write a research paper on, and one Nigerian boy asks if he can write about Boko-Haram in Nigeria but the teacher says no, you cannot write about a conflict going on in an area where you are from and this boy, with almost equal parts of pride and maybe, disgust in his tone and body language responds “I’m not from there, I’m from the South of Nigeria”

Do I even have to tell you the teacher looked a tad confused?

Honesty, in both classes, I felt a strong urge to just scream, maybe the urge was a little stronger in the former actually.
But seriously, people!!! Why do we fight over everything? Do we ever feel like one people? Does being Nigeria mean anything?
Most “Nigerians” now feel more igbo, or hausa, or yourba or jukun before they feel Nigerian, if they even feel that at all.
When we meet people, why is asking what state in Nigeria they come from one of the first questions we ask, are we asking just to know them better or do we judge them based on that information?

Most of the conflicts in the world today are within countries, citizens fighting and killing each other for reasons such as ethnic, religious or political differences… do we really just want to live in a world where its just people that live and think exactly like us? Wouldn’t that be kinda boring? Or isn’t that the end game of killing people who oppose us or are different or pray to God in a different manner or speak a different language? We’re looking to get rid of anyone who’s different to us, right?
A friend said to me recently that all conflict is built on a foundation of pride and selfishness. I don’t know.
I know that ethnic differences and conflicts are not peculiar to Nigeria. It just saddens me the most.

There’s no real point to this post actually, except to throw out some of these burning questions that play over and over in my head. Maybe someone out there has some answers that can help me sleep better. Because let me tell you, these are some of the questions that keep me up at night.

And please, my dear Nigerians, the next time you meet another Nigerian, when you get the urge to ask, “what state are you from?”, ask yourself, “why do I really need to know that right now?”


©Adeola Matemilola 2015

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adeola Matemilola and aeyshadeedee.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.