As I sit here, struggling to breathe, trying to stop the tears that slowly stream down my face, fighting to block out the sad song that’s playing in my head, a song I can’t even recognize right now…. I desperately want to understand why? Why did it have to be you? Why did it have to be me? I trust God in all things but I’m tempted to ask why He had to take you from me…
Why? Why right now? Why ever?
I still need you so much, I need your face, your smile, your laugh, your words of wisdom, your words that make me smile, your embrace, your touch, your warmth, I need you… I remember that one time seeing a program on TV together and you made a comment that had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes, what I wouldn’t give to have those tears back, what will I do without you?
How will I go on?
I’m scared too… Because I know I will move on, I know I’ll laugh again, I know I’ll graduate, get a job, get married, have kids, have grandkids… I’ll do all those things I wish you would be here for, I’ll do all these things and be happy even though you aren’t here anymore
But I’ll remember; I’ll remember your smile, I’ll remember your face, I’ll remember your voice, I’ll remember your laugh (I still hear it in my heart) I’ll remember holding your hand, playing in the rain with you, I’ll remember your faith in God, I’ll remember your strength, I’ll remember getting angry at each other, I’ll remember it all
I know you’re in a better place, away from all the pain that held you bound here, away from the strife, conflict, wars, discord, struggle, heartbreak and all that have humans bound… Away from the traffic jams and cars tooting their horns that always had you complaining… You’re in a far better place than I can imagine and for that I thank God.
I thank Him because I know I’ll see you again and then I’ll fill you in on everything you’ve missed even though you’d already know it because you’re looking down on me always and we’ll share all the laughter, frowns and times we’ve missed. I can hardly wait.
But I know what you’d say to that though… You’d say “take your time baby, I’m up here with God watching over you and I’ll be here when you get here”
And don’t you worry, I’ll always remember, I’ll carry you with me always, I’ll carry you in my heart
I’ll carry you with me when I meet the perfect man
I’ll carry you with me when I marry him and play a special song for you at my wedding
I’ll carry you with me when I have kids and I’ll bring them up with gentleness and in the love and faith of Christ just the way you taught me
I’ll carry you with me always
And I’ll always remember, Mummy.
©Adeola Matemilola 2012
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adeola Matemilola and aeyshadeedee.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.