23rd December is just another day now.

It would have been your birthday today; so many years have passed and I barely even think about it much or get sad about it.
But on some days, like today, I do, I remember and I feel it all.

What would it have been like, if you were still here?
Would my life be any different?
Would I live here?
Would I have this job?
Would I be married?
Would I have kids?
Would I be travelling the world?
Would I be even more broken?
Would my pieces have come together, held lovingly in place by a mother’s love?

I remember you at random times and it takes all of me to hold back the tears.
I don’t feel scared or lost without you;
You left me with the most awesome support system headed by the absolute best man I know;
Zainab is only the strongest, most intelligent person I know,
Your baby boy, Musa, is an amazing strong-willed human being who knows exactly what he wants and goes for it everday,
And you would be absolutely proud of the beautiful woman Ore is becoming everyday;
Saying I am proud of these 3 everyday is an understatenent.

However, I wonder and sometimes worry; would you be proud of me?
Am I the current best version of me?
Could I have been better for now?
Am I doing life right?

There’s absolutely no reason to be dwelling on thoughts such as this.
Afterall, life is for the living and I should focus on being the best I can at it.

But on some days, like today, I remember, I feel everything and I absolutely miss you.

And sometimes, it takes all of me to hold back from saying “…and my mom’s birthday is the 23rd”

 


Β©Adeola Matemilola 2016
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