Beneath I’m beautiful?

I’m not scared you won’t want me,
I’m scared I won’t be strong enough to accept you wanting me,
The feeling of letting go so completely, of believing that there is someone out there capable of loving me through all of my mess seems way too impossible.

I’ve worn this mask for so long,
It’s now not so much that I can’t take it off, it’s that I’m scared to.
Fear; that’s what drives me now, not that you’d know it by looking at me.
I hide it well.
I hide it behind my anger, I hide it beneath my laughter, I hide it within my room, I hide it in a bottle.

©Adeola Matemilola 2016

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adeola Matemilola and aeyshadeedee.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Straits

I open my eyes,
It’s a brand new day,
My heart whispers “Thank you, Jesus”
I squeeze my eyes shut,
Clench my fists,
Open my mouth wide and then I hear it,
It comes from deep within me,
From the very core of my spirit,
I scream as loudly as I can,
Lying on my bed as I am,
In that scream is a twisted mass of emotions;
failures, successes, joys, pains, frustrations…
Life truly has been “like a box of chocolates”
Filled with untold surprises
As the scream gets louder and longer,
I begin to feel lighter, in my heart and in my spirit,
Gradually, it dies away
I unclench my fists, open my eyes,
I say “Thank you, Jesus”,
Say my prayers,
Smile and get out of bed,
A beautiful day begins.


©Adeola Matemilola 2014

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adeola Matemilola and aeyshadeedee.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.