I Love you, I Don’t.

Last night, I learnt two things about you.

One, I will always love you;
Even though you’ve broken me down again and again,
Stomped on my heart, used it as a Frisbee, throwing it and not caring where it lands or who catches it,
Acting like my heart was nothing,
Like my love meant nothing.

Two, you are selfish;
I gave you everything,
You gave me almost nothing,
Taking me for granted in every way possible but I couldn’t see it,
You twisted and turned me,
Your problems were our problems.
My problems were silly.

I loved you…You know I did.
Maybe it was too much,
Maybe my love was too strong,
Maybe you knew you didn’t deserve it.

I probably will always love you
but you no longer have that hold on me.

Actually, No.
I won’t always love you.
I no longer love you.

 


©Adeola Matemilola 2017

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adeola Matemilola and aeyshadeedee.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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Home

That look in your eyes that completes the sentences your lips start,
that tells me I am accepted wholly and completely,

The feel of your hand grasping mine that whispers that whether things get better or not, I’ll always be safe.

And when you say “I got you baby girl, forever and always”… I know that I am home.

 


©Adeola Matemilola 2016

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adeola Matemilola and aeyshadeedee.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Home is where you are

Daily Prompt: There’s No Place Like Home

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Growing up, I was an army brat, we moved around A LOT! So much so that I attended 6 different primary schools in six different cities, only 3 secondary schools though, and that’s because I attended boarding school for the first 3 years.
Simply, it was amazing!

I thoroughly enjoyed moving around, my life seemed like a huge adventure, in some places, I sort of just played a part, like I was living one of my books, I started reading at a very young age, when I was younger, anytime I had a birthday coming, I started to remind everyone around me that all I wanted were storybooks and novels (not these days though, I grew up, discovered the amazing world of… so many other things…heels LOL)
So, my imagination was always very active.
Even today, I refer to myself as having an “imaginative imagination”…it’s pretty awesome the pictures my mind can conceive.

Anyways, I’m not sure if the fact that we moved around so much was an answer to my need for travel, for adventure, for constantly changing location or if it was that early moving around that fueled my passion for it now.
I really can’t stay in one place for too long and too long in my book refers to about 3 months, I start to feel restless and have to get out for a while, even if it’s just to visit a different town.

I really, really enjoy travelling, seeing new places… there’s a certain sort of freedom I feel when I get somewhere new, it could even just be a place I haven’t been in a while.
To borrow a line from my sister “I’m a travel junkie, the world is my project”

Now, I haven’t traveled even half as much as I would like to but it’s definitely one of my greatest passions and it’s in the top 3 on bucket list.

Home for me is simply where I find love, friends, peace, that special kind of freedom… yes, all that sappy crap.
Home is where I can be free; mind, body and soul
Home is knowing that I have a place to return to at the end of the day, a family.

The Climb

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I imagine I’m 80

I imagine I sit on the porch facing the sun, staring out into the beautiful distance and seeing the pictures and videos of my life as though its a movie;
the things I’ve done, the experiences I’ve had, the “friends for life”
I imagine I remember the trip I took around the world in my 20s, the beautiful countries, the new and exciting experiences
I imagine I remember smiling fondly to myself at the memories running through my mind
I imagine I remember having the greatest time ever, I imagine I was very happy and excited and nothing could top that feeling
I imagine I remember sitting around, hanging out, acting silly with friends, I can’t exactly remember what we are laughing about but the various pictures of us laughing seem enough, I’m content with that.
They run through my mind like scenes of a movie on fast forward
I imagine I remember my job that seemed to come so easily to me when others thought it was stressful,
I imagine I remember the fun and fulfillment I got from it, traveling, doing my part to make the world that much better
I imagine I remember falling in love and it was exactly as it was described in that old Mary-Kate and Ashley movie;
“its that can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world-series kinda thing”
I imagine I remember that feeling being the absolute best I had ever felt
I imagine I remember the interesting things I did, the stupid things, the odd things, the totally strange things, the firsts; bungee jumping, paragliding, swimming in the Mediterranean, roller skating, bowling, snow-boarding…
I imagine I remember the chances I took

I imagine I remember the day I decided that I needed to begin to live my life for me, the day I decided that my life needed to be like a blockbuster that sells out in the first 2 days, rather than a low-budget movie that people appreciate but would rather not own a copy of.

I figure that could very well be today.
I open my eyes and begin my climb.

Ode to Mother Earth

They forget;
Before they were, I was
Before they took a breathe, I mastered the art
Because of me, they are
They forget to remember that without me, many parts of them would not be
I do so much for them
They do nothing for me

They pinch me,
They kick me,
They cut me;
I don’t feel anything after all
They wound me,
They don’t mind me;
I have no life, they think
They cut me down, strip me bare, continually draining my spirit
Taking more parts of me than I willingly give
And because I am powerless to fight back,
they think I do not know
they think I do not feel
they think I do not hurt

I only wish they knew
I only wish they felt
How I weep every time I am scratched, abused
And everyday as I love them more, I long for them to love me back

I was…

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This post was inspired by my beautiful, intelligent sister @filshadzz